Books by The Calibrator
A child's glowing question. Humanity's most confident bad decisions. Explore the stories and read an excerpt from each.
Publication in preparation. Purchase links will appear here when the editions are available.
Young readers · Ages approximately 7–11
Big questions can feel heavy. A next step can make them easier to carry.
Mara enters the Department with a glowing question and finds looping lines, strange forms and a map with missing arrows. With help, rest, plain words and three useful questions, she finds a clearer path.
An illustrated read-aloud with reader clues, a stitched-star hunt, word help and a drawing activity.
Read an excerpt
Adult readers · Nonfiction, satire and personal storytelling
A Darkly True History of Crime, Chaos, and Humanity's Most Confident Bad Decisions
Confidence needs a babysitter. From lemon-juice disguises to animal couriers, historical fiascos and a spacecraft lost in translation, The Calibrator follows twenty-seven exhibits of spectacularly bad decisions.
Reported facts meet satire, myth checks and the narrator's own disasters.
Contains strong language, crime, death and disturbing animal-injury content. Intended for adults.
Read an excerptInside the books
The Department of Almost
On the morning the question arrived, it fit inside Mara’s palm. It glowed like a firefly under a blanket.
Adults answered with words like file, eligibility, referral, and pending. Each word made the question feel heavier.
Nobody seemed mean. Everybody seemed busy. The question still needed somewhere to go.
Reader clue: Notice how the question changes weight.
Mara, the Department and the situation are invented. This story encourages children to ask for help; adults remain responsible for adult decisions.
DEEZ STUPID NUTZ · Adult excerpt
These are true stories about people with huge confidence and very little adult supervision. Some tried to rob banks while carrying their own identifying information. One man believed lemon juice made his face invisible to cameras. It did not. The cameras worked perfectly.
Others brought animals into plans that the animals had not reviewed. A pigeon got a drug pouch. A cat got contraband taped to its body. A raccoon got into a liquor store and apparently completed a full staff Christmas party by itself.
The animal did not sign up for this.
Then history gets involved, which is never calming. Governments fight over pigs. Soldiers take machine guns to an emu problem. Highly trained people send a spacecraft toward Mars using numbers that are not speaking the same language.
This is why confidence needs a babysitter.
The book distinguishes reported facts, allegations, personal recollections and satire. Its comic verdicts are jokes, not legal findings.